A Life-Changing Concept

THOUGHTS ARE NOT FACTS:

"Life does not consist mainly, or even largely, of facts or happenings. It consists mainly of the storm of thoughts that is forever flowing through one's head." – Mark Twain.

True, we can have thoughts about facts – that car is blue – but these are still just thoughts. The problem is that we have been thinking thoughts for so long that we have come to believe them as facts. When we have crappy thoughts that upset us, it's easy to convince ourselves that they are facts.

For example, my high school guidance counselor told me I wasn't college material. He said not to even bother applying. I thought that he was right for years. When I finally went to college in my mid-twenties, I got almost straight As. I now have a Master's Degree and a Doctorate. Our thoughts (and the opinions of other people) are NOT facts!

Another example is if you walked down the street and waved to a friend across the street, and they didn't wave back. The fact is, they didn't wave back. A thought may arise in us: "They ignored me, which means they don't like me." But, they might just not have seen us. Or, they might have something so daunting on their mind that they simply did not feel friendly at that moment.

Why is it essential to separate thoughts from facts?

1. We often continue a downward spiral of thoughts from the original idea. They even become beliefs. For instance, if we stand on a scale and it reads 240 pounds, our thought may be, "I'm fat," then "I'm a lazy piece of shit," then "I will never look good," and so on. The fact that the scale read 240 has nothing to do with our thoughts, yet we believe them to be fact. If you used to weigh 300 pounds, a weight of 240 pounds would be a cause for celebration. If you were 8 feet tall, 240 pounds would be slim. The FACT is the 240 reading. Whatever follows that is only thought, which we can change.

2. We believe our thoughts about memories are more than facts. Because our thoughts create feelings and are often very emotionally charged, when looking back at events, we see the events through our warped lenses. If you were let go from a job because the company had lost its funding, but your perception at the time was that you just sucked at your duties and no one liked you, you remember the event that way. And not only do remember your thoughts but all of the horrible feelings it evoked. Again, our thoughts (rather than the facts) of this past event often spiral into beliefs of not being good enough, likable, etc.

3. The HUGE reason to separate thoughts from facts is that we CAN change our thoughts about something! If it's raining out (fact) and you create a feeling of sadness through your thoughts, you can instantly change your thinking and, thus, your feelings (more about how thoughts control feelings in an upcoming post).

Knowing our thoughts are not facts can be life-changing and give us a new perspective!

Here is a little trick from Cognitive Behavioral Therapy to help you separate the two and move forward when you are stuck:

1. When feeling a powerful negative emotion, such as anger, sadness, or anxiety, STOP and identify the thoughts most responsible for fueling the emotion.

2. Pick the thought that packs the most punch, and remember that it is just one way of making sense of the available facts and is not necessarily a fact itself.

3. Brainstorm as many other hypotheses as possible, regardless of whether or not you believe them.

4. Pick a few that seem helpful, and write out how you might feel or act differently if you adopted these new thoughts.

5. Once you decide on the most helpful way of making sense of the current situation, remind yourself of these new thoughts as much as possible. It won't make the other thoughts disappear, but it will undoubtedly reduce the old thought's airtime in your mind, making it less dominant over your feelings and behavior.

By switching your orientation to thoughts as guesses instead of facts, you can learn to think more flexibly and effectively about various situations. Ultimately, this will likely result in you feeling better when challenges arise. Loosening your grip on unhelpful thought patterns can help you make better choices and act more effectively in difficult circumstances. 

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy Los Angeles http://cogbtherapy.com/cbt-blog/cbt-techniques-treating-thoughts-as-guesses