Don’t be a Prisoner to Life

We do NOT have to be prisoners to life. I was talking to someone yesterday who feels stuck in several ways – financially, relationship, and educationally. I kept pointing out the things she DID have available, how far she’d already come, and the considerable benefit of rediscovering where she wanted to go. For everything I said, she had a defensive answer for why those things didn’t mean anything and wouldn’t work to help her move forward. These conversations are the most f*cking frustrating to me. That’s why I choose who I coach and work with. Anyway…

But I get it. I understand why so many people like her think they are at the whim of outside circumstances. It’s what we are taught from an early age. We learn to blame others, our surroundings, and our “lot in life” to cope with stress and disappointment. But the concept that we are prisoners of the outside world is entirely skewed and disempowers us. It may make us feel better in the short term when we screw up, but ultimately it completely takes away our autonomy, self-identity, and independence.

So, it’s a two-edged sword. If we believe the world around us controls us, we don’t have to take responsibility for the crap in our lives, and that comforts us. If we think that we always have a choice in how we respond to life and that WE create our reality, then we have to deal with the fact that we CANNOT blame anyone or anything for where we are.

HOWEVER, realizing and accepting that we have total power over ourselves also gives us total freedom! Freedom to change who we are with, what we do, where we live, etc. I can already hear some people saying, “But I HAVE to stay here because I have so much invested; this is just who I am, I don’t know how,” or the classic, “Well, I guess it is what it is.” Bullshit! You have been lied to about how the world works and how much power and control you have over your own life.

Listen, I have worked at multiple nonprofit agencies with about 90% “peers” as employees. This means that they have some type of mental health condition. Do you know what we all had in common? We had accepted the reality of what life handed us, and despite or even BECAUSE of that, we had decided to be in the game, kicking ass and helping others. We chose not to be prisoners to life’s circumstances. So please don’t tell me this can’t be done, no matter what your situation.

A side note: I often get messages from friends after a post like this asking if I’m ok, and saying that I sound angry. I am very ok, but I DO get furious. Not at the people I’m trying to reach or the folks I work with. Never. I get angry at the absolutely f*cked up systems that we have in place that train people that they aren’t good enough, aren’t in control, and are too screwed.

I despise it when someone is told they can’t do something. If you have a counselor, teacher, friend, family member, or colleague who tells you that you are incapable of something, fire the counselor and stay as far away as possible from the rest. People say this crap to others as a way to protect their own belief system that is still telling them to blame the world for their own weaknesses.

And you don’t need that toxic sh*t if you are trying to break out of the life's mental prison.