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There is a fear I've carried for much of my life that I rarely hear anyone else talk about. It's not the fear of dying. It's not the fear of getting sick. It's not even the fear of losing the people I love. It's the fear of losing myself. Not physically. Psychologically. The fear of waking up one day and no longer feeling like the person I've always been. If you've never experienced it, that probably sounds strange. But if you have... You already know exactly what I mean. Loo

There is a moment in many people's lives that almost no one talks about. It doesn't arrive with a diagnosis. It isn't announced by a doctor. There is no ceremony. Instead, it happens quietly. One day, somewhere deep inside, you stop believing that another chapter is coming. You still wake up. You go to work. You pay the bills. You make dinner. You scroll your phone. You watch television. From the outside, nothing has changed. Inside, however, something profound has happened.

For awhile now people have asked me what Escape the System is really about. Is it about psychiatry? Addiction? Mental health? Cults? Institutions? The answer is... Not really. Those are simply the places where I keep seeing the same thing happen. Escape the System has always been about one question: What happens to a human being when they gradually forget who they are? One of my earliest memories is going to the Buffalo Zoo with my mother. I was sick as a kid for years, so we

My father died last year. My mother is still alive, but dementia has taken much of the person I once knew. Today is my first Father's Day without him. As I thought about that, I realized something I had never considered before. For most of my life, there was always a generation above me. No matter how old I became, there was still someone I could call for advice. Someone who remembered more history. Someone who had already lived through the stage of life I was entering. Someo

I post the song "The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face" at least once a year on social media because I believe its message that strongly. If you've never heard it, take four minutes and listen before reading further. Not because relationships are supposed to remain exactly the same forever. Not because butterflies are meant to last for decades. But because I believe some things should remain. The feeling that your partner still adores you. The feeling that they still light up w

If you have never heard Janis Ian’s 1975 song At Seventeen, take a moment to listen before reading. If you already know it, listen again. Its emotional truth is part of what this reflection explores. Few songs capture the feeling of not belonging as honestly as this one. If you have never heard Janis Ian’s 1975 song At Seventeen, it is one of the most painfully truthful songs ever written about what it feels like to believe you are not accepted. What makes the song so beautif

There are some people we meet who make us stop for a moment and quietly wonder: What if life had unfolded differently? What if I were younger? What if they were older? Not because we are unhappy. Not because we are searching. And not because every meaningful connection is meant to become something more. But because every once in a while, another human being appears and reminds us that some part of us is still capable of being startled fully awake. As we get older, people ofte

Over the years, people have asked me where many of my ideas about mental health, addiction, recovery, human services, and institutional systems actually come from. The answer is definitely NOT social media. They came from decades working inside these systems — but also from reading researchers, psychologists, sociologists, philosophers, trauma experts, recovery thinkers, anthropologists, cult researchers, and people willing to ask uncomfortable questions about power, identity

My brother and I are in the process of selling my mother’s house. A house she has lived in for 40 years. Not because we want to. Because we HAVE to. The cost of her care at McAuley Residence in Tonawanda, NY is just under $17,000 per month. That’s over $200,000 a year. So naturally, the question becomes: What exactly does our family getting for $17,000 a month? What You’re Paying For — And What You’re Not At $17,000 a month, this is what you’re actually getting: Room and boar

I’ve been noticing something lately that doesn’t quite make sense to me. And I think part of it is because my dad died this year… And my mom is on her way. So death isn’t some abstract idea right now. It’s… right here. When I’m sitting alone, in my head, thinking about it— Not existing. Just… gone. It scares the hell out of me. Like a deep, almost panicky kind of fear. But here’s the part I can’t reconcile. If I picture a real situation— A client of mine in danger. Someone tr